Breaking Free: A Journey to Safety and Self-Care

We are privileged to share a powerful story that highlights the critical role our work plays in supporting the care and protection of tamariki. It’s a story that underscores the significance of services like Home-based Family Support (HBFS) and the life-changing difference our dedicated kaimahi make every day.

Ten years ago, Angela found herself in a relationship that started innocently but quickly spiralled into something dark and controlling. At just 15 years old, Angela was unaware of the signs of abuse. From love bombing to gaslighting, she endured emotional and verbal torment, convinced that she was the problem. For years, Angela felt trapped and powerless, but deep within her, a spark of resilience remained. Summoning her courage, she reached out for help, recognising that she needed some parenting support and to protect herself and her son. That pivotal moment led her to Anglican Family Care in Dunedin.

Angela's journey wasn't easy. Initially limited in her options, she found herself in emergency housing, but was forced to return to the abusive environment for the sake of shelter. However, with the support of our Home-based Family Support service, she gained the tools and resources needed to break free from the cycle of abuse.

Angela explains, “It helped that I had transitioned leaving him emotionally before he physically left, I was just living in a routine. The routine was addictive, even though I knew it wasn’t right. There were lots of lows followed by highs – it became normal.”

Social Worker Annalyce explains. “For Angela, like most survivors of domestic abuse, the process of leaving was far from straight forward. Coercive control is a tactic often used by abusers to ensnare their partners and for Angela this meant that her partner had control over all her and her son’s basic needs such as housing and finances. Figuring out how to access these supports in a timely manner for them was a massive task. As she said above, Angela was emotionally ready to go, tired from years of surviving in an unsafe space. Despite the drive for change, leaving behind 10 years of your life and stepping into an unknown future is scary and Angela had to place her trust in her supports to get her and her son through.”

One crucial aspect of Angela's journey was learning to prioritise herself. Understanding that she needed to be well to provide a safe environment for her son, she embarked on a path of healing. Through practical support, guidance, and a sense of hope for the future, Angela rebuilt her life.

Social Worker - Annalyce became a lifeline for Angela, offering her not only practical assistance but also emotional support. Also, with the help of our supporters, basic needs like grocery vouchers were provided through our Client Assistance programme, giving Angela the support she needed to get through those early weeks.

“I was listened to, supported and I felt important – like I actually matter.” recalls Angela.

Last Christmas marked a significant milestone for Angela and the first time without her abusive partner, and she celebrated it with joy alongside her son.

With thanks to the generosity of our supporters, Angela was able to choose gifts for her son for the first time, creating cherished memories of love and freedom.

“I could not have asked for more support or greater help than I received.”

“What struck me, more than anything, was how well Angela’s little boy started doing once Angela had space to practice self-care and parent on her own terms. We talk all the time about the importance of self-care, the metaphorical “putting on of your own oxygen mask first”, and Angela is a testament to the importance of this. When Angela was safe and able to better take care of her needs, her son started to thrive too, doing amazingly at school and being an all-round happier child,” Annalyce reflected.

Angela's story is a testament to the resilience of survivors and the transformative impact of the programmes and services we deliver. It underscores the importance of providing safe spaces and support networks for individuals like Angela who are navigating the complexities of family violence.

“I want other survivors to know that there is a lot of support out there, you just need to stick with the process. If you keep looking at the negatives in everything, that’s all you will ever see.”

As we continue our work, we draw inspiration from Angela's journey who was brave enough to break the silence surrounding domestic abuse and create a future for herself and son that is safe, bright and secure.

*Client names and images have been changed to protect privacy

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